Growing up was the first thing I wanted in my childhood. And yes I did it. I grew up from a toddler to an adult. It was a ride through years, a bumpy ride with loads of memories. So, this is a letter to the people who made me a version of something I don’t like. And this letter goes to… To my brother for telling me I stutter when I’m nervous, now I cannot speak in front of a crowd. To my teacher for telling me I didn’t have the spark, I touched a socket with wet hands. To my best friend for ridiculing me, now I don’t make best friends. To my grandmother for disliking me because I’m a girl, now I think I don’t deserve love. To my mother for not appreciating my work, I’ve burnt down all my poems. To my aunt for telling me I don’t have the perfect smile, now I cover my face with my hands every time I laugh. To my step brother, now I cannot confide in any man. To my class fellows for not drinking from my cup because I don’t believe in Muhammad (S.A.W), now I don’t believe in GOD too. To my father for cheating on my mom, now I see marriage as a suffering and pain not a bond of love. To my boss for telling me I didn’t have the looks for a job, now I am a sexist devil. To my fiancé for calling me fat, now I feel strange in my own body. To the boys who killed an actor in me in my first play, now I don’t dream of anything big. To my husband who didn’t became a friend, now I feel like your slave. To my daughter for yelling at me, now I am ashamed when I look at you. To everyone who destroyed the best of me. You made me who I am today. It’s not what I wanted. This mirror doesn’t reflect me, it reflects you. A wounded soul, a scratched body, a diseased mind and a broken heart is what I am, stop creating more like me. Stop.
A scarred soul.
Yess, the Sun has risen. It’s the sign that a new day has taken birth from the lap of the black, dark, night… it’s also my birthday today, now that I am turning 26 there are some things I want to say to younger me. 26 is not an age when you can say you are a mature person but listen to me dear young maturity comes with age… people will tell you to act your age but you know they actually want you to act more sober and mature than your age. Don’t listen to them. People will always find a way to make you embarrass, they will ask you give up what you like; they asked me to give up my passion for art and instead focus on my future, they told me to look forward to becoming a person who is a master only in his professional life. But you know what I got after leaving all those things I loves, everything I had a passion for just became a memory. I couldn’t remember a single moment I could live like it was my right to live… I left art and instead tried to fill colors in my life with my business degree. But as I said life can give you several things to cheer up, it also gave me those things like parties, friends and drinks… alas! They couldn’t fill that emptiness. So, listen you don’t listen to their bogus thoughts, they don’t know what you feel inside… they try to be the palmists and tarot card readers but trust me honey they are nobody but just human beings like you and me. Don’t listen to them when they tell you not to wear those clothes because either you are gonna look over dressed or under dressed. if you want to study Arts go for it, because others don’t know what future holds for you… maybe there comes a day when your paintings are going to cover their walls because who knows where future takes you! If you want to take a road trip to a city don’t hesitate because one day there will be no one from those friends asking you to come along on their business trips. Leave the hand of that boyfriend who doesn’t love you for who you are, you are not his property; you are only yours. If you want to spend time with your dear grandmother go for it because one day you might have degrees but at that time she won’t be there because her breaths aren’t gonna wait for you! Remember that people are going to be criticizing, hypocrites, liars but crying on all that is just going to waste our own precious pearls. If you want that H&M jacket by it because tomorrow your father isn’t gonna support you for all those luxuries. You want a haircut go for it because your pretty face isn’t going to wait that much longer. You wanna go sky diving or camping with your BFF, take the chance because in future may be you both are busy in your hectic routines. if you like that charming guy on the subway, go and ask him out because some day when you are having a romantic candle light dinner with the man of your dreams you are gonna smile and thank God for that day when you first talked to him and that brought him as your life partner, here in front of you! If you want to make faces on that child you meet every day on your way home, do it before he does that. Go and make a plan on taking your revenge from that stupid, cheeky and impudent girl, you dislike. Do whatever your heart says but remember don’t cross your limits… and don’t gain too much carbs!!