Growing up was the first thing I wanted in my childhood. And yes I did it. I grew up from a toddler to an adult. It was a ride through years, a bumpy ride with loads of memories. So, this is a letter to the people who made me a version of something I don’t like. And this letter goes to… To my brother for telling me I stutter when I’m nervous, now I cannot speak in front of a crowd. To my teacher for telling me I didn’t have the spark, I touched a socket with wet hands. To my best friend for ridiculing me, now I don’t make best friends. To my grandmother for disliking me because I’m a girl, now I think I don’t deserve love. To my mother for not appreciating my work, I’ve burnt down all my poems. To my aunt for telling me I don’t have the perfect smile, now I cover my face with my hands every time I laugh. To my step brother, now I cannot confide in any man. To my class fellows for not drinking from my cup because I don’t believe in Muhammad (S.A.W), now I don’t believe in GOD too. To my father for cheating on my mom, now I see marriage as a suffering and pain not a bond of love. To my boss for telling me I didn’t have the looks for a job, now I am a sexist devil. To my fiancé for calling me fat, now I feel strange in my own body. To the boys who killed an actor in me in my first play, now I don’t dream of anything big. To my husband who didn’t became a friend, now I feel like your slave. To my daughter for yelling at me, now I am ashamed when I look at you. To everyone who destroyed the best of me. You made me who I am today. It’s not what I wanted. This mirror doesn’t reflect me, it reflects you. A wounded soul, a scratched body, a diseased mind and a broken heart is what I am, stop creating more like me. Stop.
A scarred soul.
My little champ, you are not the baby I used to carry around in my arms, you are not the boy who needed my help to cross the road, you are not the baby who used to sleep in his mother’s lap; anymore. Not a grown up, beard faced man you are but you are going to be one, so why not let your mother tell you a few things that man is going to do in his future and he shouldn’t be doing. I carried you for nine months and in that time your father was not there around me… maybe his time was written short and he had to leave us in this world with his memories only. My parents had died by the time I heard the news I was expecting you, so, after I was pushed into the cruel world without any support you were the only force that compelled me to live. A dad is a role model for his son, and since he is not here your mother will be your iron man. So, if I am the one who has to wear a suit of iron, I don’t wish my son to have a heart as hard as iron. You must have a heart like a walnut, it might be hard from outside but it is always fruitful from the inside. You don’t need to tell others what our problems are, because champ we are like a team and to spill our secrets isn’t gonna help us but it’s going to make us one step closer to failure. So, I want you to be like an ocean that can take the secrets but ain’t gonna spill them. I want you to understand that God wasn’t unfair to us… He is just making us stronger and less dependent on others, He doesn’t trust anyone to take our care… that’s why He Himself is taking our care. You need to learn that He is giving you a way to lead the life of His beloved prophets, Moses didn’t have a father, neither Jesus nor Mohammed. My dear life is gonna be soothing if you just hold your mother’s hand and learn to dance in the rain or walk in the sunshine. I am not gonna be offended if your teacher calls me school for your mischievous act but I am gonna be angry if she told me you misbehaved with any lady around. If you hurt a girl just remember you are hurting your mama because how can you disrespect that ethnicity to which your mama belongs. Don’t ever call a women slut because I don’t want to see my son turning into that heinous character that called her mama this, how my son is going to be different from him, when he is abusing a girl… how my training is different from what that man had that made him a foolish like he was, if you are justified in calling a girl like this… then let’s say that man must have been correct when he abused your mother. Don’t ever hit a women because real men respect their wives they don’t hit them. I lived for seven months with an Afro-American women, she helped me in taking your care, never look down a person from another race, and everyone is a beauty in his or her own self. Religion, race, caste and creed are not the things for an angel like you, your duty is to serve everyone and respect everyone… so I want you to be the milk that can blend with a tea or a coffee or a fruit and yet liked by everybody. Earn an honest living because I have never put a morsel in your mouth that I bought from wrong means, and I don’t want you to feed me like that, work hard for everything you want in your life. I want you to be like a jack hammer that makes its own way through rocky paths. My dear I wish a blessed life for you that’s why I want you to be the man your father was, not some comic character because such fictional comic men don’t exist but men like your father existed, have existed and will forever exist.
Yess, the Sun has risen. It’s the sign that a new day has taken birth from the lap of the black, dark, night… it’s also my birthday today, now that I am turning 26 there are some things I want to say to younger me. 26 is not an age when you can say you are a mature person but listen to me dear young maturity comes with age… people will tell you to act your age but you know they actually want you to act more sober and mature than your age. Don’t listen to them. People will always find a way to make you embarrass, they will ask you give up what you like; they asked me to give up my passion for art and instead focus on my future, they told me to look forward to becoming a person who is a master only in his professional life. But you know what I got after leaving all those things I loves, everything I had a passion for just became a memory. I couldn’t remember a single moment I could live like it was my right to live… I left art and instead tried to fill colors in my life with my business degree. But as I said life can give you several things to cheer up, it also gave me those things like parties, friends and drinks… alas! They couldn’t fill that emptiness. So, listen you don’t listen to their bogus thoughts, they don’t know what you feel inside… they try to be the palmists and tarot card readers but trust me honey they are nobody but just human beings like you and me. Don’t listen to them when they tell you not to wear those clothes because either you are gonna look over dressed or under dressed. if you want to study Arts go for it, because others don’t know what future holds for you… maybe there comes a day when your paintings are going to cover their walls because who knows where future takes you! If you want to take a road trip to a city don’t hesitate because one day there will be no one from those friends asking you to come along on their business trips. Leave the hand of that boyfriend who doesn’t love you for who you are, you are not his property; you are only yours. If you want to spend time with your dear grandmother go for it because one day you might have degrees but at that time she won’t be there because her breaths aren’t gonna wait for you! Remember that people are going to be criticizing, hypocrites, liars but crying on all that is just going to waste our own precious pearls. If you want that H&M jacket by it because tomorrow your father isn’t gonna support you for all those luxuries. You want a haircut go for it because your pretty face isn’t going to wait that much longer. You wanna go sky diving or camping with your BFF, take the chance because in future may be you both are busy in your hectic routines. if you like that charming guy on the subway, go and ask him out because some day when you are having a romantic candle light dinner with the man of your dreams you are gonna smile and thank God for that day when you first talked to him and that brought him as your life partner, here in front of you! If you want to make faces on that child you meet every day on your way home, do it before he does that. Go and make a plan on taking your revenge from that stupid, cheeky and impudent girl, you dislike. Do whatever your heart says but remember don’t cross your limits… and don’t gain too much carbs!!