Posted in i wish i knew, Uncategorized

I Wish I Knew The Reality Before I Migrated!

Sitting at my husband’s funeral and looking at my child, I decided to leave the land that once I called my dear homeland, Syria. It was not an easy decision but I had to take it at least for the sake my little girl. My maternal uncle was taking his family to UK, I asked him to take me with him and he agreed after I insisted him with tears rolling down my cheeks. I packed all my stuff, after paying our fare for the UK I was left with what I can call as not a meager amount but it was enough to feed my daughter and me. I clenched my daughter’s hand tightly as we came out of the London City Airport. My uncle offered me to share the apartment with his family in Lancaster. Days changed into weeks and I was trying real hard to get a job because I just couldn’t sit there and waste my life, I used to go out in the morning and came back in the evening without any joyous news of my job. Then one day the man in our neighbors told me about a vacancy in a school. I applied there and maybe God wanted me to have some tranquility in my life that’s why I got selected. I am a friendly person but… the initial weeks of my job days were not easy I felt uneasy by the gazes of my fellow workers they used to look at me like a lamb who has lost his mother and now wants to take theirs. I admitted my daughter in kindergarten but she didn’t face that sort of her reaction as I did because kids have only love in their hearts… only adults are reckless. When my daughter and I went for grocery shopping to the store in our area the cashier looked us weirdly and when I talked to my daughter in Arabic I could feel the abnormal way everyone around looked at us. Those days were hard. You people who are the residents of the hosting countries think of us as a burden believe me I too think of myself as big burden when you look me in an unusual manner. We have problems, we were only left with the option of leaving our land, I am a Muslim and I don’t think that those who killed my husband and many like him are Muslims. I wish I knew I would have to bear your cold stony eyes before I left my country. I wish I knew that I would have to hear those shout outs saying me to leave your country cause I was a filthy animal before I left my country. I wish I knew that one day I would have to wipe my daughter’s tears because of her seniors called her an ISIS’s pig before I left my country. I wish I knew I would have to hear those cheap words that called my scarf a way to cover my slutty nature from the mouth of my own students before I left my country. BUT, I also wish that I knew I would come across this lovely friend who gave me coffee on first day as a welcome treat before I got hurt by my fellows’ abnormal gazes. I wish I knew that my daughter would be able to get good education before crying at my problems. I wish I knew I would come across these lovely students who would wish me Enid before losing hope. I wish I knew earlier that there are good and bad people everywhere, I only have to remember the good ones and forgive and forget the bad ones.